Jealousy - Who Suffers More HE or SHE

Jealousy – Who Suffers More HE or SHE?

William Shakespeare called the green-eyed monster jealousy. This feeling is often wrongly demonized. Even children feel something like jealousy of other siblings, for example. In our article, we explain why jealousy is an evolutionarily meaningful behavior pattern, how different men and women are jealous and how much of it is still tolerable and “normal”.

Jealousy is an elementary human feeling and has been with us since the first days. The word, however, probably dates back to the 16th century. At that time William Shakespeare wrote his play “Othello”, in which the general of the same name ends up killing his beloved wife Desdemona and then himself out of jealousy was a motive for murder. “Furious with jealousy,” lovers would hurt their partner (often fatally) only to regret the act horribly seconds later.

Thus, some of the most famous lawsuits of the 19th century involved men who had killed their wives or their wives’ lovers and, in many cases, successfully argued that they were being overcome by some kind of disease that had simply overcome their rational will. But beginning in the 1920s, jealousy was reassessed in its legitimate power to override rational controls, and laws changed accordingly. Today it should always be in the power of those afflicted with jealousy to restrain themselves and not to endanger life or health.

Jealousy – Deal Maker or Deal Breaker?

There are basically two levels of jealousy. One concerns sexual jealousy. This feeling can also develop between two artists and their audience, for example. The second form of jealousy relates to emotional closeness and reliance on a secure relationship. Psychologists now agree that the jealousy scenario involves at least three participants.

Two persons or entities have a relationship to each other. A third party enters the field. And at least one person in the “original relationship” feels threatened by the newcomer in their supposedly secure position in it. The following factors can reinforce this: previous experiences with abandonment and betrayal, unclear expectations and an unbalanced obligation status.

How does jealousy arise?

Your own wife only puts on sexy lingerie when she goes out with her girlfriends or likes to show off in a provocative bathing suit when the beach is particularly crowded – and it’s already awake, the green monster, looks askance in every direction and gnaws in self-confidence. Is it that simple? Does jealousy arise? Of course not.

Psychologists have come up with countless theories about jealousy over the past several decades. Most of the time, it’s all about self-worth. Because the worse you rate yourself and your own life, the more potential competitors there are, of course, and then of course they always perform better in comparison. Interestingly, the feeling that everyone knows is said to be greatly encouraged by two experiences of loss. It’s about being abandoned in childhood and being betrayed in adulthood.

Both experiences mean a massive impairment of self-esteem and open the floodgates to feelings of jealousy. Unexplained ideas about exclusivity in a relationship are also considered to promote jealousy. Partners should be clear about ideas about sexual fidelity to give the other a sense of security even when they’re not there.

What is the difference between YOUR jealousy and HIS jealousy?

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe still wanted to blame the feeling of jealousy on women when he divided fools into three different classes: “The men out of arrogance, the girls out of love, the women out of jealousy.” But researchers have long since agreed sure that while women turn into green-eyed monsters when their status in the relationship is threatened, men “freak out” even worse when the woman cheats and the men’s sexual performance and attractiveness are questioned as a result. This is probably due to evolution. Emotional infidelity is much more unsettling for women because they fear the loss and relinquishment of resources that secure their livelihood.

According to this scheme, the man plays his archaic role as provider and protector. His “emotional” attraction to another woman triggers deep-seated fears in the original partner. Conversely, it is the case with the man that if his wife is unfaithful, he has to fear that he is not the actual father of the child that he is later to raise and nurture. As a result, he is less jealous of his partner’s emotional distance from a competitor and more jealous of the singular sexual cheating.

Isn’t a little jealousy good for the relationship?

In fact, not all jealousy has to be drama and necessarily lead to tears. Jealousy in low or medium “doses” can be an important sign of commitment, love and connection to the partner. A lack of devotion and passion and thus the complete absence of jealousy have killed many relationships. On the other hand, advocates of “true” love argue that love and jealousy are contradictory, since the latter expresses a kind of possessiveness that has nothing to do with real love.

If you really love, you want your loved one to feel as free as possible and not to be restricted by anything or anyone. All in all, it can be said that jealousy is a completely human emotion and in the end it is important how it is dealt with. Partners should be aware of their own feelings through conversation and be able to discuss them. This is the only way to find common, partnership-based ways out of a dead end.

5 tips to defeat jealousy in the short term

  • Recognize your jealousy. Don’t demonize it, but acknowledge that it is an emotion that is both universal and difficult to tame.
  • Always remember that jealousy behaviors must eventually be abandoned. Try to avoid, or at least phase out, questioning, scrutiny, tracking, and control. The more of them, the worse the feeling of jealousy gets.
  • Try to control the feeling of jealousy. Write down the thoughts about it every day and try to limit the confrontation with the feeling to the time of this writing.
  • Develop ground rules with your partner about actions that trigger or increase jealousy.
  • Realize that a relationship between two partners is also subject to the normal laws of life. Sometimes partners lie, sometimes this one doesn’t suit you. Sometimes relationships fall apart. But: there was life before the relationship and there will be life after the relationship.

Also Read : Only Someone Who Really Loves You Says These Words

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